July 31, 2013
Lack of Reciprocation, Stress, Health and Happiness.
Yes, of course, life isn't about quid pro quo, the phrase made famous by the Silence of the Lambs movie. (Even as I write this, I can’t shake off the Hannibal Lecter’s chilling stare as he says it. That’s why I do not watch scary movies.) But at the same time, it does feel so wonderful when someone you do wonderful things for reciprocates. When this reciprocation comes from love it is even more so wonderful.
However, we have all been in the situation where we have made excuses for someone who does not reciprocate. Whether it is our parent, child, partner, relative, friend, boss or co-worker. There are people who take and believe that they do not need to give back.
I am currently reading a book called Healthy Selfishness by Dr. Rachael Heller and Dr. Richard Heller. I started to read it for my research regarding the damage to our mental health we do by attempting to make others happy and forgetting what makes us happy. The book explains that we make excuses for people who take by saying or thinking that they are tired, stressed, do not have time to reciprocate, or more general excuses such as “he is a teenager, that’s what they are like.” We attempt to let go of these feelings of lack of reciprocation but we really don’t. The book continues to say that these feelings make us into unhappy and thus unhealthy people.
At some point when we continue such relationships we are no longer bothered externally, we have come up with all the excuses we could, but internally the dissatisfaction or stress builds and either causes us bouts of rage or depression or both.
The authors continue to state that the stress caused by self denial and lack of reciprocation can contribute to a host of physical ailments, acute or chronic. “Stress can lead to headaches, digestive problems, skin disorders, and insomnia. The hormones that our bodies release when we are under stress can greatly increase our risk of high blood pressure, certain forms of diabetes, hypoglycemia, asthma, heart disease, immune disorders, stress eating, obesity, and perhaps even cancer.” It has been linked to rapid aging on the cellular level and thus, shortening our lives.
Polluted by this stress our body is less capable of dealing with other demands and daily activities. The feeling of never having enough time, powerlessness and being overwhelmed get us to a point of being powerless to take care of ourselves and continue our daily activities.
And thus, our apparent selflessness comes to a complete cycle and becomes selfishness. At which point, we are unable to take care of ourselves and require help of others, often those who had nothing to do with our demise in the first place.
For more informatio see: Dr. Rachael Heller and Dr. Richard Heller, Healthy Selfishness: Getting the Life You Deserve Without the Guilt (Meredeth Books, 2006)
I am getting back into the groove of things, enjoying the second trimester and starting to post more recipies and diary entries.
Here is the diary of my pregnancy, its been going really well and we are super excited about meeting our Baby. I am still getting all of the pictures from our European vacation onto my computer and will be continuously uploading them to the travel section. For more pictures, please check out the Facebook and Instagram
Hello! It's great to meet you.
This website is about what makes my life lovely and I hope it will help to make your life even more lovely than it already is.